


Valentine & Vimes: Original Characters

by Aleaiactaest, Slyjinks



Series: Valentine & Vimes [14]
Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett, Fallout 4
Genre: Gen, fic series supplement material, supplement
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:26:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 6,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24946840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aleaiactaest/pseuds/Aleaiactaest, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slyjinks/pseuds/Slyjinks
Summary: Short bios of the original (mostly) recurring characters that appear in our Discworld/Fallout 4 crossover series, Valentine & Vimes. Collected together for easy reference, which each character getting a short "chapter" so they can be found quickly.
Series: Valentine & Vimes [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689076
Comments: 11
Kudos: 5





	1. Chatur Bakshi (Student Wizard)

**Name:** Chatur Bakshi

 **Pronouns:** He/Him

 **First Appearance In Series:** Chapter 2 of Going Nuclear

 **Species and Origin:** Klatchian human

 **Occupation/Role:** Graduate student wizard at Unseen University

 **Appearance:** Coincidentally similar to Faraday, although darker and with a fuller beard. 

**General personality notes:** Fairly chatty, charismatic, good leadership skills… for a wizard. At times can get extremely long-winded and lecturing. Favorite faction in Aftermath is the Brotherhood of Steel. Speaks and reads multiple Klatchian dialects, as well as Morporkian. Likes to come up with wild theories to explain away inconsistencies in the Aftermath setting (inconsistencies that probably wouldn’t even be there in the first place if the wizards could ever agree with each other on, say, anything, long enough to put together a coherent story). Will gladly go on about these theories in-depth to anyone willing to listen. Is actually asexual/aromantic, but will pretend otherwise because, like any wizard, he is loathe to admit that he just doesn’t get something (in this case, that something being sexual or romantic attraction).

 **Known background:** From the Seriphate of Klatch. Comes from a long family line of mathematicians, and has multiple siblings who are mathematicians. Is just randomly a wizard himself (it’s probably recessive genetics, in his case. That many math nerds in one place are bound to throw out a wizard at some point…). Went to Ankh-Morpork for schooling rather than staying in Klatch because in Klatch, with its decent educational system, most folks are at least decent at math. So if you want to do a lot of math, the best thing for it to just cheaply hire a bunch of unmarried women and then fire them once they get married. In Ankh-Morpork, where it’s hard to find that many people who will do math for cheap because math skills are not so widespread and math is actually a skilled trade skill and you can’t just fire people who know it, they went and built HEX to do the math for them, and HEX does trillions of calculations a second. Chatur is sure there’s something interesting one can do with trillions of calculations per second.


	2. Xian Ju (Student Wizard)

**Name:** Xian Ju

 **Pronouns:** He/Him

 **First Appearance In Series:** Going Nuclear: Chapter 2

 **Species and Origin:** Human from Bes Pelargic, a part of the People’s Beneficent Republic of Agatean that is typically viewed as weird by other Agateans.

 **Occupation/Role:** Graduate student wizard at Unseen University

 **Appearance:** Black hair and dark eyes, white robe and hat with red accents. Has a beard in a style that’s popular in the PBRA. Has a fabulous sapient pearwood staff that’s banded with black octiron. His desk has a Minutemen symbol on it and paper cut out hearts with his various OTPs in them. 

**General personality notes:** Enjoys writing stories about romance concerning both fictional characters and historical figures, and will get involved in lively debates of the merits of specific pairings. Has the shortest temper of the group. He is gay, but like the other wizards has taken a vow of chastity. Favorite faction is the Minutemen, and when he plays he typically romances Preston Garvey. He edits zines about Jane Gordon novels and any other fandoms that garner his interest. He is very fond of Nick Valentine (the character), but does not ship him with anyone, in part because he doesn’t view anyone else as being good enough for Valentine. In fact, part of why Nick Valentine was initially unromancable was because Xian did not like the idea of a Sole Survivor who was “not good enough” successfully romancing Valentine due to the game’s mechanics, and he assumes that most, if not all, Sole Survivors aren’t good enough for Nick. He speaks and writes in Morporkian and one or two dialects of Agatean.

 **Known background:** From a merchant family that does a lot of shipping who sent him to Unseen University to learn weather magic useful in facilitating the travel of his family’s ships. While at Unseen University, he became interested in an entirely different kind of shipping, one that would get him arrested back in Bes Pelargic. The knowledge that he’ll have to put his interests aside when he returns home is part of what contributes to his typical foul mood.


	3. Alf Nealy (Student Wizard)

**Name:** Alf Nealy

 **Pronouns:** He/Him

 **First Appearance In Series:** Going Nuclear, Chapter 3

 **Species and Origin:** Human from Dolly Sisters within Ankh-Morpork

 **Occupation/Role:** Graduate student wizard at Unseen University

 **Appearance:** Short ginger hair, scraggly, wispy beard, pale and splotchy. Traditional fantasy-type wizard robes that are white with brown trim. His robes are clean shortly after a visit with his mum but will get increasingly grease-stained as time goes by.

 **General personality notes:** Preferred faction is the Institute. Very disorganized, usually has pizza all over his desk (and possibly in his pockets). Also has Barbarian Invaders (the game) memorabilia featuring Cohen. Straight, but typically the least interested in things like shipping (even Chatur will get into it more as an intellectual exercise), unless someone is somehow implying an insult against Ankh-Morpork in the process. Is, in fact, very proud of being an Ankh-Morpork boy in general (except for when he’s being prouder of being a Dolly Sisters boy).

 **Known background:** From Dolly Sisters, and is the eighth son of an eighth son (meaning he has a _lot_ of siblings and uncles). He’s something of a mummy’s boy. She still does his laundry, and he’ll sneak home for home-cooked dinners. Speaks and reads some Ankh-Morpork street dwarfish, mostly to make ordering dwarf food easier.


	4. Zinon Elias (Student Wizard)

**Name:** Zinon Elias

 **Pronouns:** He/Him

 **First Appearance In Series:** Chapter 5 of Going Nuclear

 **Species and Origin:** Ephebian Human

 **Occupation/Role:** Graduate student wizard at Unseen University

 **Appearance:** Has a beard and mustache of the same style as statues of Plato, but is only in his 20s so he doesn’t look nearly as old as the statues suggest. Wears a white toga with pink trim and has a laurel wrapped around the pointy part of his wizard hat. 

**General personality notes:** Favorite faction in Aftermath is the Railroad. Fond of philosophy and debate, although sometimes misunderstands the basic concepts (something he would absolutely insist is not true). Also likes wrestling. Enjoys Ephebian food (which is more or less Greek food) and loves grape leaves. Sometimes wrestles. Speaks/reads both modern and ancient Ephebian, Morporkian, and Latatian.

 **Known background:** Zinon is the son of poor fisherfolk in Ephebe. An Ankh-Morpork wizard, knowing that he would be dying soon, said goodbye to his friends, got his affairs in order, and decided that he was going to go out doing a wine tour of Ephebe. Left his staff to a likely lad, the son of some fisherfolk. Zinon decided to go to Ankh-Morpork to study at the same place where the previous owner of his staff had studied, even though Ephebe probably had its own wizarding tradition. Of course, Ephebe holds philosophers in higher regard than wizards, and the philosophers sometimes look down on wizards, which is another reason for Zinon to go to Ankh-Morpork instead.


	5. Mira Cantemir (Centaur Watchman)

**Name:** Mira Cantemir

 **Pronouns:** She/her

 **First Appearance In Series:** Welcome Home chapter 1 (referenced)

 **Species and Origin:** Centaur from the Ramtops, although her family originally came from Uberwald. (See: _Carpe Jugulum_ , when it is mentioned that Lancre is getting some centaur refugees from Uberwald.)

 **Occupation/Role:** Watchman (Constable). Typically works in traffic because she can run faster than a fully loaded down cart and can maneuver through the city’s crowded streets more easily (plus she doesn’t spook as easily as a horse) (also, she is less flimsy than a velocipede).

 **Appearance:** Long brown hair typically worn in a braid; tail is also braided. Fur is also brown fading to black on her tail and legs. Skin is light brown with freckles. Eyes are dark brown verging on black. Her badge is the new style Ankh-Morpork badge.

 **General personality notes:** Enjoys cities and in particular the feel and noise of her hooves on cobbles. A bit short tempered and exasperated with the ever-congested state of Ankh-Morpork traffic. Has become a city girl, but not explicitly an Ankh-Morpork city girl. Would probably be willing to accept a position in another city, but most of the other Sto Plains cities are not as good about non-humans and women, so she stays in Ankh-Morpork. Is sharp enough to realize that fines-as-punishment essentially amounts to, “Rich people can ignore this particular law, poor people are liable to end up in jail,” and is irritated with that but not in a position to do anything about it. Will happily rant to anyone who will listen about how if they’re going to use fines for traffic violations they should base it on wealth because she’s getting bloody tired of chasing down the same toffs over and over.

 **Known background:** Her family was originally from Uberwald but was driven out by the Magpyr family, and so she was born and raised in the hillier portion of the Ramtops. She was restless as a youth and took to roaming, mostly in an attempt to find what sort of surface she enjoyed running on the most. She eventually concluded that the answer was “cobblestone” and so she decided she needed to find a way to make a living in Ankh-Morpork and, Ankh-Morpork being Ankh-Morpork and her being a rarer type of non-human, she wound up in the Watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S: I don’t even think Mira gets referenced by name in the one appearance she’s had in the series so far (where she mostly exists so that Shaun can have an education in Discworld centaurs). She’s actually based off a D&D paladin I used to play from the Boros Guild of Ravnica, and A slipped her in this fic as a sort of present to me. She mostly gets an entry because she’s on our list of random Watchmen to toss into a scene when we need a random Watchman, meaning she’s liable to show up again, and also because I felt like sketching her..


	6. Gneiss (Troll Singer)

**Name:** Gneiss

 **Pronouns:** She/her

 **First Appearance In Series:** Welcome Home, Chapter 1

 **Species and Origin:** Troll

 **Occupation/Role:** Singer (currently at the Octarine Parrot)

 **Appearance:** Gneiss has a banded, sparkling gray/green pattern and has been polished so smooth that she shines. The sharp-eyed will notice that she’s had plaster work done on her, despite it being illegal for trolls in Ankh-Morpork (reference: Discworld Noir). She has a number of wigs that she likes to rotate through, and beneath that is a head of thick lichen. She’s also fond of colorful, flowing, multi-layered clothing. She frequently wears sunglasses, partially because she likes the look of them and the style, but also because she’s a member of a nocturnal species (if anything, it’s a little surprising that more trolls don’t wear them). 

**General personality notes:** Troll women typically wear little to no clothing, and troll exotic dancers put _on_ clothing rather than remove it, so Gneiss’s preference for layers might come across as her advertising her modern values. That said, Gneiss is very firm that she’s a NICE girl, and her clothing shouldn’t be taken as consent. She can be a bit of a flirt, but she’s a _modern_ troll woman, so if she’s interested in becoming serious, she’ll let the other know with a rock of her own, thanks. She’s a member of the BLT Defenders, or the Bent, Lavender, and Transfigurative Defenders and is a regular at their meetings, although she’s frustrated that so many of them focus on things like marriage laws and parades when so many of her sisters (troll and otherwise) are killed just for being themselves.

 **Known background:** Gneiss is a she-troll who was, unfortunately, assumed to be a he-troll back before she was in a position to correct this misconception, and some of her plaster work and polishing was done to help bring her body into closer alignment with who she is. She’s an example of how the laws against troll plaster-work, unfair enough in a city where casual cosmetic surgery from an Igorina is easily available to anyone with enough money, hits certain subgroups particularly hard. She’s one of the current singers at the Octarine Parrot, a particularly low dive of a joint, in part because the owner, a part-elf named Mankin, can’t afford to be too picky. Still, she’s a reasonably talented singer with some potential, if anyone would give her a shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unlike Mira, there will be a bit more of Gneiss here and there.


	7. Artificial Flavours (Rat Watchman)

**Name:** Artificial Flavours

 **Pronouns:** He/him

 **First Appearance In Series:** Welcome Home, Chapter 5

 **Species and Origin:** Talking rat. Born in Ankh-Morpork, but left as a pup as part of the “tribe” that eventually settled in Bad Blintz. 

**Occupation/Role:** Watchman, frequently assigned as a partner to Nick Valentine, presumably originally by someone who understood what both the words “synthetic” and “artificial” meant, although it eventually became habitual.

 **Appearance:** A small, brown rat, typically very clean, with a leather vest cut to his shape, and his badge strapped on the back. It’s about as close as the unusually shaped Watchman can get to a proper uniform. Occasionally wears tiny bifocal glasses when reading or looking at distant objects that get tucked into a pocket in his leather vest when he’s done.

 **General personality notes:** Cheerful and chatty, he enjoys being the center of attention, particularly when he feels he can get some food out of it. Although he enjoys being petted or scritched, he will remind people that it’s rude to do so without asking first. He’s occasionally frustrated with people’s surprise over his status as a talking rat since, although it’s not officially acknowledged, there are still plenty of talking rats left in Ankh-Morpork. Like most rats, he is nearsighted with a sharp sense of smell and hearing. While he’s new to Ankh-Morpork, he’s not a completely inexperienced Watchman, and is already developing the sense of cynicism appropriate to his role. Although his tiny paws make it difficult to write, he reads quite well (provided he has his glasses on), possibly better than the average human Watchman, and enjoys reading. That said, with a few exceptions he doesn’t have any deep belief in the eternal sacredness of books or writing, and to him newspapers and books have a double benefit: first you can read them, then you can either eat them or use them as nesting materials.

 **Known background:** He was born in Ankh-Morpork near the Unseen University but left when he was just a very young pup. One of the “Educated Rodents” that travelled with Maurice the cat and eventually settled in Bad Blintz in Uberwald. Like most of his “tribe”, his name comes from the packages found in the rubbish pile where the rats gained the ability to think and speak and read.


	8. Klug (Golem Trust Receptionist)

**Name:** Klug

 **Pronouns:** he/him

 **First Appearance In Series:** Welcome Home, Chapter 4

 **Species and Origin:** Golem, unknown origin

 **Occupation/Role:** Receptionist at the Golem Trust; Deacon’s direct supervisor

 **Appearance:** Klug is a roughly made, one-off golem, presumably made before the making of new golems was outlawed in Ankh-Morpork. He’s had a few repair patches done and has occasionally done rough touch-ups in his glaze, but he hasn’t gone in for a full reglazing. He rents out a closet in the home of a family that lives near the Trust, although he is only there on his holy day of rest. The children of the family will sometimes draw on him with chalk, and he quite likes the personal touches that it adds, so he’ll typically leave it in place until rain or similar will wipe it off.

 **General personality notes and background:** Klug is a freed golem who decided to continue with the Trust once freed. He still has his chem, and is subject to the rules written on it. Like many golems still beholden to their chem, he cannot lie. It’s commonly believed that this is a universal rule that applies to all golems, but given the large numbers of cultures and religions that have produced both religious and magic golems, this is not actually the case for all golems. It is, however, the case for Klug. Although he cannot lie, he is amused by Deacon’s lies and jokes, and attempts to play along to the extent that his requirement to always speak the literal truth as he knows it allows him to do so. He also has the patience typical of a golem, which is useful when dealing with his new human subordinate. It should be noted that although Klug is Deacon's direct supervisor while in the Trust, he does relatively little actual supervision of Deacon because (1) Deacon is frequently out of office either gathering information for the Trust or keeping an eye on the treatment of Trust golems and (2) Deacon is practically unsupervisable.


	9. Mango Steam Hawk (Child Thief, Adopted Child)

**Name:** ~~Rockland Irons~~ ~~Shatter Bawls~~ Mango Steam Hawk

 **Pronouns:** ~~he/him~~ Usually she/her, occasionally he/him

 **First Appearance In Series:** You Can’t Say ‘Fuck’ in a Terry Pratchett Novel, chapter 4

 **Species and Origin:** Human from Ankh-Morpork. Appearance suggests that some of ~~his~~ her family came from outside the Sto plains.

 **Occupation/Role:** ~~Child gang member.~~ Young member of the Thieves’ Guild, Deacon’s adopted child.

 **Appearance:** ~~Scruffy, often dirty child with ragged, torn clothing, no shoes, and messy red-orange hair. He’s got light to medium brown skin and an eye shape that suggests that some of his family came from certain parts of Klatch or perhaps Enlightenment Country in the Upper Ramtops. Looks to be around eight years old, although it’s difficult to confirm because he frequently lies about his age.~~ Child of around eight (based on appearance) whose “normal dress” can vary wildly based on what fits into the situation, although Deacon has a hard time getting her to keep her shoes (she complains that they throw off her balance). Her skin is medium brown and some of her facial features suggest that her family came from certain parts of Klatch, or perhaps Enlightenment Country in the Upper Ramtops. Once Deacon adopted her, he gave her a pair of octagon-framed sunglasses, which he’s had more success in getting her to keep than her shoes.

 **General personality notes:** Puts on a tough front and tries to present an air of worldly cynicism despite ~~his~~ her young age. Frequently claims to be older than ~~he~~ she is, and some of the claims ~~he’s~~ she’s made about street life and ~~his~~ her exploits in the Sweethearts suggests that ~~his~~ her relationship with the truth is, at best, a passing one. ~~This perhaps explains why he seems to get along well with Deacon, who’s been roped into helping with his Scout troop.~~ Vimes has made the observation that these qualities are probably part of what prompted Deacon to adopt her. The two are still getting used to the new arrangement and of having family, and Mango has her doubts as to how long it’ll last, but intends to make the most of this whole ‘family’ thing while it lasts.

 **Known background:** An orphaned street kid and former child gang member in Ankh-Morpork, and, thanks to the efforts of Captain Carrot, a member of the Ankh-Morpork Scouting and Urban Survival Federation, although it’s unclear whether she’s still a member since she’s been adopted. She ~~He~~ also used to belong ~~s~~ to the Unpleasant Sweethearts, a gang that operates out of Sweetheart Lane. She used to (and might still) sometime ~~s~~ act ~~s~~ as a Link Boy (that is, a child who uses a lantern or candle to guide people through dark areas of a city) in the Shades. ~~Deacon has been persuaded to help with the Scout troup that he’s part of from time to time. Finally, he’s known to be a pickpocket, which is pretty dangerous considering he’s not Thieves’ Guild.~~ Deacon, while working with the Scouts, grew attached to the little trouble-maker and eventually overcame his fear of making attachments enough to adopt her. Deacon’s instincts still tell him that letting someone get close to him is a good way to endanger them, but intellectually he realizes that his job with the Golem Trust, while dangerous, is not nearly as dangerous as the Railroad was, and besides, she was a street kid who operated as a unlicensed thief1 in the Shades; just how much more dangerous could it be to live in an abandoned underground temple with a Golem Trust clerk?

1 One of Deacon’s first moves when adopting her was to get her licensed.


	10. Glori Orison (Dwarf Student Wizard)

**Name:** Glori Orison

 **Pronouns:** he/him

 **First Appearance In Series:** Uranium Fever, Chapter 2

 **Species and Origin:** Dwarf, born in (or rather, under) Ankh-Morpork

 **Occupation/Role:** Student wizard, first accepted dwarf wizard at Unseen University (that we know of), vice-president the Unseen University Nontraditional Students’ Association (despite Glori’s objections that he is a _very_ traditional dwarf).

 **Appearance:** Glori looks very much like what you’d expect to get if you were to cross a standard dwarf with a standard human wizard. He has dark brown hair and beard, wears chainmail robes over his standard student white robes, has a metal wizard’s hat with horns attached, and carries a battle axe on his back. His staff, however, is a perfectly ordinary wizard’s staff. It is, in fact, the single most common style of wizard’s staff that can be seen at Unseen University, what with his family being the most popular supplier of magic equipment for the University. 

**General personality notes and background:** Like many wizards, Glori is the eighth son of an eighth son. In fact, this is somewhat easier to accomplish among dwarfs than humans, since traditional dwarf families _only_ have sons. His older brothers had already filled in most of the usual positions that dwarf heirs traditionally fill (preparing to take over the family business, engineering, studying to be a grag, dying in a mining accident, and so forth), so Glori decided to study to become a wizard to help his family’s magic supply business better understand the needs of their customers. After some initial resistance, Ponder Stibbons came to the realization that Unseen University likely did not want to be on the bad side of the family that more or less set the prices of magical supplies in Ankh-Morpork, and so he was accepted as a student. When the Nontraditional Students’ Association formed, his hardworking tendencies and natural sense of responsibility made him a good choice for vice-president to DiMA’s presidency. His natural dwarfen stubbornness serves him well in his position as a student wizard, but the fact that he spends so much of his time at school actually doing schoolwork tends to throw off many of his fellow students.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glori is a character who, had he been born human, would have been designated female at birth but would be transmasc, but in Discworld dwarfen culture, all dwarfs are assigned (masculine presenting) dwarf at birth, something that works for Glori. The novels give us multiple dwarfs who would have been designated female had they been human and then come out as women (Cheery, whom Angua can 'clock' by smell, and Blodwen gives birth), and if the definition of trans is someone whose gender differs from what they were assigned at birth, these are definitely transwomen, but... it still comes across as a bit sex-essentialist, so we wanted to include a character that represents the other side of the coin: someone who would have been assigned female had they been human, but who is really not a woman.
> 
> tl;dr: Glori would be transmasc had he been human.


	11. Rosanna Fitget (Student Wizard)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **We’ve created a Discord server for chatting about Discworld, Fallout, or this fic! Feel free to join us at<https://discord.gg/6QM4Egy>**

**Name:** Rosanna Fitget

**Pronouns:** she/her

**First Appearance In Series:** Welcome Home ch 21 (appeared without being named); You Can’t Say ‘Fuck’ in a Terry Pratchett Novel ch 4 (named without appearing); Uranium Fever ch 2 (first time she actually appeared and was named at the same time. Took her long enough, huh?)

**Species and Origin:** Human, from Ankh-Morpork.

**Occupation/Role:** Student wizard, and the first accepted openly-female wizard at Unseen University since Eskarina Smith.

**Appearance:** Rosanna is an 11 year old girl, a bit small and thin for her age, with curly black hair, large dark eyes, and a somewhat unnerving smile. She wears frilly black-with-white-trim dresses in a style that people in the Roundworld would call Victorian (but is just modern Ankh-Morpork style) decorated with bows, skulls, stars, ravens, and similar sorts of things. Her wizard’s hat has an elaborate bow set with a raven’s skull on it, and her staff is a combination staff and parasol.

**General personality notes and background:** Rosanna has a natural talent for necromancy, and beginning at a very young age would casually summon the spirit of her dead grandmother for chats. This eventually unnerved her family so badly that they intentionally “lost” her in a busy market square and then moved before she could find home again. She spent some time trying to find her family, including posting a card in the Lost Boy’s Tavern (a tavern in Ankh-Morpork where orphaned and abandoned children and parents who have given their children up for adoption but have come to regret it can pay a small fee to post a card on the wall hoping to contact their missing relatives), but to no avail. She eventually figured out that there was a whole University filled with people who were allowed, sometimes even encouraged to do interesting things with magics and to learn about fascinating topics, such as geometry, so she attempted to join in the fun, so to speak. After some initial resistance by individuals both inside Unseen University and out by people who thought she’d be better suited as a witch, she was accepted into the Post-Mortem Communications Department by Professor Hix. Professor Hix, as the faculty’s official evil wizard, was not about to turn down the chance for a Creepy Little Girl apprentice. She occasionally has to deal with some rather old-fashioned attitudes from staff and fellow students, but most quickly learn that the combination of an eleven year old’s sense of restraint (or lack there-of) and a blossoming talent in necromancy are not to be underestimated. At least one of her fellow students have discovered their chicken dinners to be somewhat livelier than expected… hours after it had been consumed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **S** : [Chapter 22](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23478406/chapters/59745109) of Going Nuclear now has a second piece of art by the excellent [Jack of Legends!](https://the-mercurial-star-o-vesper.tumblr.com/) Feel free to go check it out!
> 
> **We love comments of all lengths, and understand the need for low-energy commenting like kudos. If you ever find yourself wanting to give us additional kudos, feel free to leave a comment of an icon or emoji of a heart!** <3


	12. Galatea (Ephebian Golem, Diplomat)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **We’ve created a Discord server for chatting about Discworld, Fallout, or this fic! Feel free to join us at<https://discord.gg/6QM4Egy>**

**Name:** Galatea

 **Pronouns:** she/her

 **First Appearance In Series:** Pandora’s Vase chapter 2

 **Species and Origin:** Marble golem from Ephebe

 **Occupation/Role:** Head of the Ankh-Morpork embassy in Ephebe. 

**Appearance:** A beautifully carved marble golem with extremely intricate hinges to allow a full range of human-like motion designed to look like a conventionally attractive nude woman of classical proportions. She typically wears Ephebian style clothes, not because she is typically bothered by her own carved “nudity”, but because it helps to reinforce the idea that she is a person and not just some sort of mobile statue. She cannot speak, but is literate in multiple languages, including Ephebian (both ancient and modern versions), Morporkian, Latatian, Tsortian, and Djelibeybian.

 **General personality notes and background:** Galatea was animated by priestesses of Petulia and served in the sort of role one would expect from a golem whose chem is comprised of holy words of the Goddess of Negotiable Affection. Over the centuries she went from owner to owner, eventually becoming government property. Finally she was purchased by Deacon (who was in Ephebe under the assumed name A. Lias), who placed her receipt in her head, giving her ownership of herself. Galatea declared that she would work for Deacon until she had earned herself, so Deacon promptly made her the head of the Ankh-Morpork embassy he had been tasked with establishing. While Ephebe is not typically very good at acknowledging the personhood of either women or non-humans, her years as a golem in the service of, erm, servicing politicians has left her with enough blackmail material to make her a true force to be reckoned with.

Unlike most golems, Galatea is capable of lying. She is intelligent, with a sharp but subtle wit and a tendency towards double entendres. She typically communicates by writing, but she is extremely expressive and can often make her point with just a sharp look instead. 


	13. Ivan Bagstock (I7-49, G2 Synth, Merchant)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **We’ve created a Discord server for chatting about Discworld, Fallout, or this fic. Feel free to join us at<https://discord.gg/6QM4Egy>**

**Name:** Ivan Bagstock (also known as I7-49)

**Pronouns:** he/him

**First Appearance In Series:** Going Nuclear chapter 24

**Species and Origin:** Originally the [synth requisition officer](https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/Synth_requisition_officer) from the Institute

**Occupation/Role:** Assistant shopkeeper at Pier Seven Plus One Imports on Monkey Street, and member of the Ankh-Morpork Merchant’s Guild in Good Standing.

**Appearance:** Ivan looks like a typical Gen 2 synth, and even still occasionally wears his Institute jumpsuit, although the jumpsuit has been torn in a few places and mended by Gertie Bagstock, his adopted mother, and he now wears a number of cheesy pins with cute little pictures and sayings like, “More espresso, less depresso,” or “Hang in there, baby, Octeday’s coming.” Given that the Bagstocks do not require their employees wear these pins, presumably he genuinely likes them, despite the fact that he doesn’t even drink espresso. When not wearing the jumpsuit, he wears fairly typical small merchant class Ankh-Morpork clothing.

**General personality notes and background:** Ivan, originally I7-49, originally the Institute’s synth requisition officer, was intended as a random background NPC in the Aftermath game that Hex was operating and that Sam Vimes had been caught in, where Vimes had played out the role of the Sole Survivor. In fact, Ivan really shouldn’t have even had a designation. But then, during the Vimes-led Minutemen invasion of the Institute, Deacon, who had, by that point, gone from being a NPC to an actual person, snuck off to try and ensure as many synth escapes and rescues as possible. To try to deal with this, Hex essentially ran through Deacon a very condensed, hacked together version of what would normally have been the Railroad path, essentially turning Vimes’s invasion into a revolution. At that point, a sort of narrative imperative took over, the narrative imperative being, “If there’s going to be a revolution where Vimes is involved, there’s going to be barricades.”

Narrative tapped the Synth Requisition Officer, the Synth Cafeteria Worker, and at least one other synth worker to fill this role. They hastily threw together some (very bad) barricades and attempted to protest for a 23 hour workday (Sam Vimes later accidentally “negotiated” them down to a 22 hour workday) before eventually escaping from the Institute. It was during this business that Ivan “realized” what his designation was (in fact, it was a newly assigned retcon so that he’d have an answer if any of the real people running around asked), but the whole business wouldn’t normally have been enough to impart him with true realness.

That happened mostly by accident when the magic that had once been intended to pull Sam Vimes back into the real world of Ankh-Morpork went awry and began to spontaneously create bodies for other in-game constructs. Ivan and his two companions were given real bodies, and since, in the Disc, form often affects reality, their own reality followed shortly behind. The lives of his other two companions were cut short when they encountered a group of troll drug sellers, high on their own supply, who decided to check to see if these weird inorganic people tasted any better than plain old humans. Ivan alone escaped the group and made his way across one of the more dangerous areas of the Shades by pure luck before ending up near the docks and the shop owned by the Bagstocks. They were willing to help him, preferably in return for some help around the shop, which he was willing to provide. He successfully negotiated for a 22 hour work day, seven days a week (he wound up with a weekly day off by accident, because he hadn’t realized that the Disc had eight days in their week), and was quite content to work at Pier Seven Plus One Imports, where he developed an interest in interior decorating that complimented his job as a sales-synth. Eventually, the Bagstocks decided to adopt him, and he formally joined the Ankh-Morpork Merchant’s Guild.

Ivan has a very simple, still developing personality, but he has already developed traits that are distinct from his original function as a Synth Requisitions Officer. He appears to like his colorful pins, and possibly even finds them amusing, which mostly just goes to show that his sense of humor has a long way to develop. He has a genuine interest in interior decorating, and sometimes spends his free time studying up on it or checking out non-magical books on the subject from the public section of the Unseen University Library. He is the most literate member of his family, although he’s been helping his parents and his sibling to learn to read as well (his brother, Norbert, appears to be making the fastest progress). The Bagstocks are quite fond of him, and Gertie and Peter Willie often proudly claim he’s like the son they always wanted (much to Norbert’s irritation). He does not appear to have fully processed the fact that his original existence was fictional, and that he is genuinely in a new world, and he’s still a little frightened that the SRB might show up and try to reprocess him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	14. Pumice & Razor (Troll and Human Thieves' Guild Meta-Muggers)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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**Name:** Pumice (troll) & Razor (human)

**Pronouns:** she/her for both

**First Appearance In Series:** Chapter 1 of “The Measure of a Synth”

**Species and Origin:** Pumice is a troll who grew up in Ankh-Morpork, while Razor is a human who was generated by the Aftermath game and given form when it was running uncontrolled. 

**Occupation/Role:** Both are low-level thugs in the Thieves’ Guild who focus their energies on dealing with unlicensed thieves. You could call them meta-muggers: muggers who focus on taking down other muggers. Razor also occasionally takes part in the performance brawls in the Mended Drum.

**Appearance:** Razor is a human with dark hair, brown eyes, and a number of burn and cutting scars over the left side of her face. Her style is a combination of Commonwealth Raider, Barbarian “Hero” (fairly compatible styles, except that the Barbarians tend more towards leather, fur, and bones and skulls for their armor, and they get a bit more ornate), and Shades girl-gang (mostly observable in Razor’s jacket and high waisted calf-length pants). She’s still sporting her unladylike hairstyle from the game. She has her name tattoo’d several places all over her body, a common trait in Mended Drum fighters so that the Igors know whose limbs are whose when putting a dismembered fighter back together.

Pumice is a troll with a very rough, slightly brittle outer layer (one suspects a punch from her can cause as much damage from the scraping as from the punch itself). She wears a bit more clothing than is traditional for female trolls (traditionally they don’t wear any), mostly a style aped from the Barbarian Heroes that visit the city, and she doesn’t typically bother to keep her upper body covered.

**General personality notes:** The two are fairly unpleasant types with a love of violence and causing pain, but just enough cleverness to have figured out how to make a living doing so in Ankh-Morpork without bringing the law down on you (and in a way that gives you back-up when needed and a place to get patched up). They’re also a bit on the lazy side. Pumice is a recovering [Slide](https://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Slide) addict while Razor is a recovering [Psycho](https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/Psycho) addict, and the two help each other stay clean (in a figurative sense, because in a literal sense they’re as grubby as you’d expect from two Shades meta-muggers. They’re not particularly popular even within the guild, being a little too free with insults delivered to other guild members, but they’re both bright enough to know that you don’t survive too long in the Shades with your own Guild against you, so when it’s important they’ll play nice with the other Thieves.

Many assume that Razor is the brighter one, in part because she tends to do most of the speaking and in part due to stereotypes about trolls. Like many trolls, Pumice is a bit slow, but if given time to think things through, she’s not really stupid, and both Pumice and Razor are smart enough to have realized that the pair get better results when Razor does the talking and Pumice hangs back to be menacing. It’s not all an act, exactly, because Pumice is perfectly willing to perform the violence that her body language implies, but it is something of a performance.

Some of their associates occasionally wonder about the exact nature of their relationship. Neither seem inclined to clarify matters.

**Known background:** Razor is the only survivor of a Raider gang that was manifested in Ankh-Morpork (specifically the Shades) when the game was causing uncontrolled manifestations. When the Raider gang appeared, they didn’t have any of their ranged weapons available, because Vimes’ requirement that no one be allowed to keep guns in their inventories continued to be applied to later manifestations. Without their guns, they were unprepared to deal with the residents of the Shades, and most of them got picked off by muggers, thieves, and the strange sorts of inhumans that inhabit the dark allies of Ankh-Morpork. Razor, by luck, encountered Pumice, who was recovering from the after effects of a bad Slide trip, and realizing her own desperate need for allies, helped to find Pumice cover for long enough to recover. This became a turning point for the both of them: Pumice knew enough about how things work in Ankh-Morpork to help Razor figure out a strategy for survival, Razor got better results when she did the talking for both of them, and they both helped to keep each other off their respective drugs/chems. 

They both enjoy violence, and they use meta-mugging as a legal outlet for it. The Thieves’ Guild doesn’t care what condition unlicensed thieves are brought to it in (breathing isn’t even a necessity), the per-head bounty is pretty good by Ankh-Morpork standards (it’s slightly higher for Guild members than non-Guild members), and they also get to keep whatever the thief was carrying. Typically, the two only need to bring in 3-5 bounties a month to live fairly comfortably. When that doesn’t provide enough violence to satisfy Razor, she’ll join in the planned fights at the Mended Drum. She takes considerable offense to any suggestion that the fights are rigged or the outcomes are scripted. Sure, the **starts** are scripted, but the dismemberment is real, thanks. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **We love comments of all lengths, and understand the need for low-energy commenting like kudos. If you ever find yourself wanting to give us additional kudos, feel free to leave a comment of an icon or emoji of a heart!** <3


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